Dear Little Brother…


A poignant and very relevant human twist…


Hello Scott

How’s it going?

It was so lovely to get your letter the other day.

Thanks for taking the time to write from your new life in the big old US of A (mock courtesy).

I have made a start clearing out your stuff from your old room as you asked.

Mum is sulking (you know how she can get) as she had it like a shrine! She’s still convinced that you’ll change your mind about emigrating and come home. I’ve told her time and time again about ‘Skyping’ but she says it not the same as she can’t hug the screen.

We’ll save up and come out there next year probably (don’t be horrified you little git just because you’ve gotten all grown up and move to the other side of the world doesn’t mean you’re rid of us Mister Smelly Pants!)

I’ve sent your clothes to Oxfam – well the ones that were salvageable! I can’t believe you kept that dreadful ‘Chippendales’ onesie! I’m afraid that’s gone in the bin as I couldn’t inflict that on another human being. Your only saving grace is that you didn’t take it with you.

I’ve sold your old computer games and console and I will transfer the money to you on Monday. Didn’t get much for them, but its money in your pocket.

I have to say, I’m a little upset with you young man. Just sorting through your old books today (I’m keeping some BTW). You didn’t take ‘Where the Sidewalk Ends’ with you. How rude!!

After all my efforts cutting and sticking the pictures in the front of it! A picture of Madonna in that corset, your Star sign reading for your birthday in 2001, an American flag and palm trees (It’s so obvious now, I must be psychic! – I can seeing you laughing at that, stop it!).IMG_4842

My lovely message to my little bro ‘Here’s a little something to remind you what it feels like to be a kid – to be free! A small escape from all the madness – Oh Wait – How could I forget? You still are a kid!’

Hahahaha! Remember? It was a bit mad that year with Mum & Dad splitting up and all the rowing nonsense that went on. At least we had each other to fall back on eh?

Don’t worry, I forgive you, that’s what big sisters do, you little sod.

Seeing as you haven’t missed it, or even opened it, (you ungrateful little horror) I will send it with the others to a charity shop.

Anyway I’ve spent far too long writing this, it’s more than you deserve for abandoning me here. You might get the impression that I love and miss you and that will never do. So I’ll say ‘tootles’ for now fart brain.

Hope all is well with you, we are always here if you decide to pay us a visit or stop this madness and come home – (kidding). Please write to Dad, you know he’s gutted he wasn’t at the airport to see you off, so suck it up and stop being a wassock.


Lots of love and pathetic mushy stuff

Your Big Sis



PS we shot the Smokey the cat – we didn’t really, I just wanted to make sure you read all the letter


H xx


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