Posted for Reinventing the letter format, #everydayinspirations

Everyone’s read a restaurant review they didn’t agree with but few take the time to respond or react. Here’s my response to a review of a Brazilian restaurant, in Dublin.

Dear Metro editor,

I was astounded to read a recent review by one ********** regarding Brasil, the, er, Brazilian restaurant on Dublin’s Stephen St.

Whoever said writing about music was like dancing about architecture must have had Ms White in mind.

First she says a change in the restaurant’s facade from the colours of the Brazilian flag to ‘a fresh lick of sleek black paint and gold lettering’ lured her there as the previous decor looked ‘too jaunty for a night of serious eating.’

Get over yourself. For most people, a night out in a restaurant is a pleasurable experience involving more senses than your tastes which, by your own admission, appear limited.

So you ‘never had a Brazilian dish’ until you came up with this lame segue to an even limper joke? If you had even paused to think for half a second you might have sussed Brazilian food is about fusion; that the biggest influences are Portugese, African and native American Indian ; that Brazilian cuisine is mostly about Churrascora or Brazilian barbecue which is mostly presented with a ‘self service salad bar.’

If Ms White had done some very basic research, like asked a question, then she might have had a look at the variety of snacks available from the ‘salad bar.’ She might have opted for the ‘five meat’ signature churrascora dish that is the speciality of ‘Brasil.’

Then she might have tasted the Brazilian choriza, a mildly spiced sausage compared to the better known Spanish chorizo. The other meats are pork, lamb and beef. With these she would have been treated to a bowl of black beans, cassava, salsa, rice, all washed down by their distinctive, if expensive, selection of Portugese wines or even a traditional caiparinho, a cocktail that is vaguely reminiscent of a cross between a mint julep and a margerita.

My meal cost 79 euro and it fed two of us, amply. The wine cost 35 euro of that. It was a bloody good meal, the staff were friendly and helpful and I’m going back there again.

I liked the fact that it was a Brazilian restaurant called Brasil, I might have enjoyed it even more if it had been painted green, yellow and black but I doubt it. So please, Metro, do yourselves a favour and don’t send self confessed incompetents with no taste or sense of adventure out to do your reviewing.

At the very least, ask them to take their head out of their arses before they decide to feed themselves.


2 thoughts on “Not Tempted by Inept Reviewer, in response to ‘Not Tempted by Latin Loser’

    • Ha, glad you enjoyed that, Andrew. I posted it in response to a Blog U course I’ve been doing. I love writing letters, particularly angry ones. But they’re effective, only if you put some humour in it and you know what you’re talking about.

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